April,
28th, 2019.
It’s the day after the elections and I have been confirmed
the winner of the 2019 elections. The results had been mentioned in the early
hours of the morning and my phone hasn’t stopped ringing, with friends and well-wishers
calling me, “Mr. President”. I say my morning prayers and pray God guides me
through the next four, possibly eight years of my life. I’ve already decided
who will make my cabinet and my decision means Federal Character will be thrown
out the door.
As the sun rises and brings in a new day, I call those who have made my campaign team, some of whom will still serve under my administration. The first order of the day is to thank the Nigerian public and to also visit the INEC office and congratulate them on holding a free and fair election this time.
I am also to meet with security officials concerning the safety of my family and I, as they assign us code names and security details. However I am more eager to meet with military officials to discuss the situation in the North-East and to tell them we will double troops to keep the country safe. I will also have a secret meeting with senior military brass to talk “emergency exits” in the case of another religious or ethnic crisis. In reality this will be a meeting on how if need be we will implement the “Plateau solution”. You see years ago, my dear Plateau state was caught up in a series of religious and ethnic crisis. The then president offered up tearing the state and dividing it among the neighbouring ones. It was never publicly stated in the media due to fear of backlash. However it intrigued me back when I was just a commissioner for my state, perhaps because I was accused of being a settler as opposed to an indigene, despite my being born and bred there as was my father and his father before him. The Plateau solution shall serve as a possible exit strategy to any state that gets caught up in any sectarian violence. Imagine if the public knew of this, but as a soon to be head-of-state I have to take bold decisions.
I shall also discuss with my team about who will head my proposed Audit Bureau, which will check every financial transactions of the ministries. Although not capable of arrests on its own, the Audit Bureau will partner with the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) when it comes to catching culprits. There will be a visit to the Department of Statistics to discuss the important of gathering statistics, specifically that of people who die in hospitals. The sooner we know we know what kills us the most, the better we will have an idea on helping the health sector on needed equipment and medicine. This will obviously involve the Health ministry.
All these meetings don’t have to take place in one day of course. What’s important is that in the days leading to my inauguration, I have a clear vision of what I want to accomplish in my first six months. There will be no promise of an “energy emergency” like some of my predecessors had and no numbered agendas either, no Vision 2040 or any of those false promises. But perhaps my biggest challenge will be convincing the political system to get rid of the policy known as Federal Character, especially when it comes to choosing my cabinet.
As the sun rises and brings in a new day, I call those who have made my campaign team, some of whom will still serve under my administration. The first order of the day is to thank the Nigerian public and to also visit the INEC office and congratulate them on holding a free and fair election this time.
I am also to meet with security officials concerning the safety of my family and I, as they assign us code names and security details. However I am more eager to meet with military officials to discuss the situation in the North-East and to tell them we will double troops to keep the country safe. I will also have a secret meeting with senior military brass to talk “emergency exits” in the case of another religious or ethnic crisis. In reality this will be a meeting on how if need be we will implement the “Plateau solution”. You see years ago, my dear Plateau state was caught up in a series of religious and ethnic crisis. The then president offered up tearing the state and dividing it among the neighbouring ones. It was never publicly stated in the media due to fear of backlash. However it intrigued me back when I was just a commissioner for my state, perhaps because I was accused of being a settler as opposed to an indigene, despite my being born and bred there as was my father and his father before him. The Plateau solution shall serve as a possible exit strategy to any state that gets caught up in any sectarian violence. Imagine if the public knew of this, but as a soon to be head-of-state I have to take bold decisions.
I shall also discuss with my team about who will head my proposed Audit Bureau, which will check every financial transactions of the ministries. Although not capable of arrests on its own, the Audit Bureau will partner with the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) when it comes to catching culprits. There will be a visit to the Department of Statistics to discuss the important of gathering statistics, specifically that of people who die in hospitals. The sooner we know we know what kills us the most, the better we will have an idea on helping the health sector on needed equipment and medicine. This will obviously involve the Health ministry.
All these meetings don’t have to take place in one day of course. What’s important is that in the days leading to my inauguration, I have a clear vision of what I want to accomplish in my first six months. There will be no promise of an “energy emergency” like some of my predecessors had and no numbered agendas either, no Vision 2040 or any of those false promises. But perhaps my biggest challenge will be convincing the political system to get rid of the policy known as Federal Character, especially when it comes to choosing my cabinet.
The Federal
Character policy was initiated to “carry out fairness and equity in the
distribution of public posts and socio-economic infrastructures among the
various federating units of the Federal
Republic of Nigeria”, but in reality it promotes filling up positions with unsuitable
candidates just to appease a nation of people who feel marginalized by the next
man, who doesn’t share their faith, ethnicity or place of origin, despite us
all being citizens of the same country.
In trying to get rid of Federal Character, it is then I
will be accused of serving a Northern agenda by the South while also being seen
as working for the same South by the North, who will label me a puppet with a
Northern face. Clearly I am not going to please everybody and some states and
tribes will claim that they are not represented. I believe that’s what the
Senate and the House of Representatives is for; to represent every region of
every state. This shouldn’t have to include the ministers of my cabinet. If I
can’t have capable hands with me, just because one state doesn’t have a
minister, there’s already a problem!
Four or eight years down the line, I will face an even
similar challenge as I try to convince my party to get rid of zoning, where
leadership is switched between the North and the South. “He wants his fellow
Northerners to continue.” “He wants the South to regain power again”. Such and
such will be said. Surely it isn’t easy to be president; well at least I pray I
have my health through it all, I can’t be travelling out the country for
medical reasons and face the ire of my people.
June
12th, 2019 (Democracy Day/Inauguration)
It’s inauguration day and it’s finally real, I AM THE
PRESIDENT of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. The inauguration is set to take
place at 11:00a.m. No more 7 or 8 o’clock swearing in. I want the whole country
to be awake when I’m sworn in. I want the parades and the fighter jets. We are
about to do right by the millions of Nigerians out there. Not so much by the
elites, even if I am considered one of them. I wanted to arrive Eagles Square
in one of those red buses, Minister El-Rufai introduced when he oversaw the
Federal Capital Territory, but my security team has advised against that. Just
as I’ve they’ve told me I have no say in the upgrading of the local airport in
my home state, which will now include a helipad and a tarred road that leads
all the way to my residence. These are the things that can make you too
comfortable with power. I have to remind myself my reason for being here though.
I wanted to arrive in that red bus to signify a new change in government, a
symbol of the time of the common man. Already I’m being distanced from my aim.
I shall not fall into the sunken place like some of my predecessors have, I
remind myself.
At 12:00p.m, I shall address both chambers of the house
at the National Assembly and ask them to cut their July/August holiday short. Ever
since Democracy Day got shifted from May 31st to June 12, schedules
have to change too. Governance is not a holiday, it is a job and I need my
soldiers with me. It will be my first proposal to the house. All that money
they’re being paid, they can afford to forfeit half their holiday. And thus may
start my first conflict with the house.
At 3p.m, I shall meet with the men of the Nigerian Army and talk about our various peace keeping missions home and abroad: Boko Haram, Biafra dissentions, oil conflicts and so on. One thing on my mind is securing our borders in the North, especially since the war in Libya has seen weapons come through our Northern border.
At 3p.m, I shall meet with the men of the Nigerian Army and talk about our various peace keeping missions home and abroad: Boko Haram, Biafra dissentions, oil conflicts and so on. One thing on my mind is securing our borders in the North, especially since the war in Libya has seen weapons come through our Northern border.
At 5p.m, I shall meet the youth organizations, the mainly
“Twitter activists” and so called social media influencers and various other
youth groups who helped campaign for me, and show some gratitude. I hear this people
make enough noise to get the world’s attention, it’s best to tread carefully
with them, at least for now.
At 8p.m, we shall have the state dinner. All government officials as well as foreign diplomats will be invited, not to mention members of the press. The dinner shall be at the State House. We would’ve used the I.C.C (International Conference Center), if not for security concerns. I may be president, but these damn security details tell me what I can and cannot to do on occasion.
At 10p.m, it’s off to bed as I pray God grants me the wisdom to lead my people and accomplish what has never been done. I then kiss my wife, that woman whose being by my side when I was a nobody that used to walk and enter the bus before being able to buy a Tokunbo car, but I don’t sleep. I can’t sleep and I probably won’t any time soon. Nothing can prepare me for the next four years of this life under the most scrutiny any individual in this country can go through. A prison full of luxuries.
At 8p.m, we shall have the state dinner. All government officials as well as foreign diplomats will be invited, not to mention members of the press. The dinner shall be at the State House. We would’ve used the I.C.C (International Conference Center), if not for security concerns. I may be president, but these damn security details tell me what I can and cannot to do on occasion.
At 10p.m, it’s off to bed as I pray God grants me the wisdom to lead my people and accomplish what has never been done. I then kiss my wife, that woman whose being by my side when I was a nobody that used to walk and enter the bus before being able to buy a Tokunbo car, but I don’t sleep. I can’t sleep and I probably won’t any time soon. Nothing can prepare me for the next four years of this life under the most scrutiny any individual in this country can go through. A prison full of luxuries.
As I walk down the stairs to the dining room for
breakfast, it is only 9am. The TV is on and I catch a glimpse of the debate that
pundits say got me to the Villa. My words ring back to me, “We suffer from a
lack of ideals as to who we are and how we plan to move this nation forward. We
have no manifest destiny. All that has got to change. Our only exceptional-ism
lies in being a West African giant, but we are no longer and have probably
never been the giant of Africa… and that has got to change too!”
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